I had quite the experience yesterday when I was being pressed why I don't go to church, and why I haven't had Cayge baptized and why we won't be baptizing Icelynn. "Because I don't want to" wasn't good enough apparently. So when I finally broke down and told them that I am not a member of the LDS church, and that I am not a Christian, all hell broke loose (considering that I don't believe in hell!). I was told that my children will be ashamed of their parents because we are teaching them the wrong thing. And that bad things will happen to my family because I believe the wrong thing.
But here's the thing, we don't teach our children the same beliefs we have. Who are we that we can "brainwash" our children that they MUST believe in the same religious views as us? Ya we are their parents, but if we force them to think the way we do, then we are not allowing them to explore their world and think for themselves. Rayce and I were members in the church for a long time, mostly because that's what we were taught and that is what the society around us told us that was what we HAD to do. And unfortunately, we were so terrified of what society was going to think of us, that we didn't share our true feelings about this subject with each other because we thought that the other was "in" the religion and didn't want to be the one to rock the boat. You can not even believe the weight that is lifted off ones shoulder when you can talk about this type of subject and to know that your partner is still going to be by your side. AND that they feel the same way. We didn't to a ton of research to prove to ourselves that it wasn't the thing for us, we just felt it. And now, as we do research, and learn about different things, we feel confident in our decisions! And we also feel very grateful to some very close friends who have been their for us, and I know will be there for me in the future (specifically concerning this subject! But I know for everything else I face in life... And you two know who you are!)
We allow our children the rights to make their own decisions when it comes to their beliefs in religion and in a higher power. We are also not restricting them to what we believe. Our girls right now beg to go to church, but I feel this is out of fear. They have been told on multiple occasions that if they don't go to the LDS church or get baptized, that they will go to hell. And all my children know about hell is that it is a very scary place where very bad people go. So OF COURSE they want to go to church, they are terrified! So when they decide that they want to go because they want to learn about the religion, or any religion for that matter, we will support them 100%! If they want to serve missions, for any "religious" organization, then we will be there for them. Just because we don't go, or believe, doesn't mean that they can't either.
Yesterday I was told that my children will be so embarrassed that they will not go to do baptisms for the dead when all of their friends will be going and doing this type of stuff. Here is my answer to that... I did baptisms for the dead, and most of the people that knew me in high school knew that I wasn't "worthy" enough to go and participate(and I know that I wasn't the ONLY one in this matter) . So when my kids feel left out, at least they aren't lying to fit in. My kids will find a place in this LDS community. They aren't the only ones that are being raised in such a way. If anything, they will find their friends that love them for who they are, not what God they pray to.
So for those of you who now look down on us, or feel sorry for us, well frankly, I feel sorry for you. Not for what you believe, but because you are so close-minded that you can not see past my beliefs. Many of you will now look down upon me, not for who I am, but because of what I believe. And good riddance. I don't want those kind of people around me in my life, even if it is my online life! I hope that you can see me for who I am, because I haven't changed. I am still me. I am still a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend. You call, and I will answer (as long as I heard my phone!). I hope that you can open your mind enough to see past all that is between our religious beliefs, and see me for who I am. Because I promise you, I don't see you for your religion, I see you!!!
5 comments:
One thing I know for sure is that those children are being raised better than most. As the parent it is your duty to protect your children from the close minded individuals that try and force them to do anything. If need be California is pretty open minded, we will find something big enough for all of us to live in and tell the haters to _ _ _ _ off. Love you guys.
Candi, I too left the LDS religion and when I moved back to Shelley, it was hard. I was afraid to tell people so my husband rudely told the missionaries to stay away and then no one wanted to be our friends. Our closest friends were the Russians on the corner and spanish speaking neighbors next door. Neither spoke English but it was better than how the rest of the town made us feel. We moved away as fast as we could.
We are here for you girl! Your kids are going to turn out better then the kids they go to school with. You are doing a great job, so keep it up.
Its hard to be here in Shelley, and I have wanted to move more times then I can count. But, we are here and dealing with the judgment is so hard sometimes. Just remember, you have friends in Kenny and I!
Candi, as far as I see it, there are good people and there are bad people. And a religion doesn't define either those things in a person, it is the person's actions and decisions they make in their life. Of course religion can influence those decisions, for good, and for bad. I get so tired of people saying, "I can't believe they did that, they are Mormon!". Ummmm, even if they weren't Mormon, it wouldn't have been a good choice. I have come to terms with the fact that I believe in God because I want to, I want to instill certain principles in my life and my children's, not because an LDS standard tells me too, but because I want to, and I feel it's right between God and I. I also get tired of people not going to church because someone offended them. Again, people need to have that one on one relationship with God to want to go to church to learn, to feel closer to HIM, just like you said. Not go out of fear. I am so sorry you have felt judged in such a way. It's honestly not showing any "Christ like" attitude when people write you off as embarrassing because your not LDS. I am glad you have close friends to be just that, friends, no matter what. Just because I go to church doesn't mean your not going to be friends with me right? It should be the same way around. I hope to teach my kids, religion doesn't make you a good person, you make yourself that with the choices you make. And I do believe God can help you make those right choices, and he can help you...people forget sometimes about God and just focus on what the religion tells us to do. Ugh, I will get off my soap box, just wanted to let you know I am sorry you went through that. Good grief...our "fun" Highshool days seem ages behind us now don't they ha ha ha.
I am just reading this for the first time... Can i just say I want to give you and Rayce an "ADA BOY" and big smack on the booty? lol but serisouly, I love that you just put it out there! SOOO many people from Shelley judge! I haven't been to church since I was 18. I officially left the church and took my name out of the records at 19. I never felt so much peace.
Thank you for this message, with a baby on the way I know there will be questions from my family of what we plan to do as far as religion. Danny and I too have decided its up to him. Thanks for this blog, it made my day =)
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