San Francisco Trip

In March, Rayce, Ivory and I went over to San Francisco for spring break. Rayce was a guest artist at a tattoo shop in Rodeo, CA. He didn't have anyone to go with him, so we dropped the older 3 kids off in Shelley with family. The day we went into San Fran was such a cool day. There was a light mist, and it made everything look eery, and creepy. The pictures turned out fabulous! I loved the way they turned out. Our 1st stop was the Golden Gate Bridge. It was such a neat experience to be able to drive across the bridge and walk around it. (Yes, this just shows the sheltered life I have lived) Ivory slept through most of the time we were at the Bridge (not that she really would care anyway.) Rayce and I couldn't believe how huge the cables were for the bridge. I took a picture with him by the cable so we could show the kids truly how huge the cable was. And it was so fascinating that the cable was actually made out of tons of smaller cables.

These pictures are of Alcatraz across the bay. I was taking them from right next to the GGBridge.

After we were done at the Bridge, we went down to Fishermans Wharf and wandered around and had lunch. Then we took a cruise around the bay. It was spectacular. People looked at us like we were crazy because we had our little baby out with us. Let me remind you, IT WAS A MIST!!! We are used to cold heavy rain from Idaho, this was nothing. Plus, I had her in really warm clothes and bundled in multiple blankets. You can see in the top of the picture how wet my jacket was, but that was after being out in the rain for 6+ hours! (I did have someone take a picture of the three of us while we were cruising, but the person failed to tell us to get Ivory's attention, she was looking behind us in all 5 shots)

My favorite part... ALCATRAZ!!!! We really wanted to take the tour of Alcatraz, but it was sold out, and Ivory had all she could handle from being in the stroller all day. But my favorite thing about these pictures is, once again, the FOG!! It just leaves this creepy feeling in me when I look at the pictures. Alcatraz was such a harsh place, and these pictures tell the story! LOVE IT!

These are just a few pics that I took when we were by the Bridge. I love how my camera captured the dew drops on the giant pedals. The purple Flowers were just crazy looking, and I like crazy!

All in all, we had an amazing trip. It was nice to get away, but we missed the kids like MAD! Rayce has been a world traveler before (and was just in S.F. 8 months before) so it was really culture shock to me, having only been in a few large cities. San Fran was beautiful, and I can't wait to go back!

4 Months... Ivy, where has the time gone?

Wow, I just can't believe how fast time is flying by. It seems just like yesterday we brought Ivory home from the hospital. And now she's 4 months old! And she is cuter than ever!!!!

*She weighs 13 pounds 3 ounces (35%ile)
*She is now rolling all over the place
*She smiles, coos, giggles, and jabbers all the time
*She is turning into a mamma's girl.
*She is always giving kisses.
*She LOVES to jump in her jump-er-oo
*She almost always has to fall asleep in her swing.
*She is cutting 1 tooth on top & 1 on bottom.
*She HATES solid food.
*She HATES to lay back. She has to be sitting up right at all times!
*She is is grabbing at everything and trying to get it into her mouth.
* And even got her ears pierced!

Also, some nicknames she's accumulated: Ivy, Iver-oo, Ivs, Peanut, Toots, and Toodles

The girls reading to Ivy

The best diaper changer, and she begs to do it too! Thanks Icee, it's nice to have someone help with that stinky chore!

Chunky Monkey with (count em') 3 chins!!!!

Ivy LOVES her jump-er-oo!!! She is so spastic in it, but is havin the time of her life doing it!

Since day 1, she has always stared at this bird. Not sure why she loves it, but she does :)

Watching TV while Shylee helped me out with Ivy so I could get some homework done.

Tummy time

Sitting all by herself.

Daddy trying to help mom out, but making her more nervous than anything!

Came in from the kitchen and she had death grip on her swing toys.

Her 1st go at solids

She HATED the food. I have tried multiple times to get her to eat solids and she grips her gums together and won't let me get the spoon in.

(Love the matching bow and shirt... made this bow 5 months before we got the outfit.)

Ivory got her ears pierced on Valentines Day

She loves her puppy

Eating her puppy as she smothers it

LOVE baby feet!

Giving puppy loves

A New Life... Sort of

On Tuesday, February 1st, I had a routine eye appointment. The doc that I was seeing noticed that I was having some major issues with my optic nerve that (obviously) connect to my eyes. He referred me to a specialist, and apparently it was so important that they got me in in just a few hours. I ride my bike over to the office, thinking I was only going to be there about an hour or less. Man was I wrong!!! The doctor was looking in my eyes, and second by second her chipper resolve was slowly melting away.
(Now, I feel kind of bad, because I didn't really trust her, SHE IS MY SAME AGE! To me there is something said for years of experience!!)
She proceeds to tell me the same thing the last doc told me, that she would like to get the opinion of her superior. She tells me it will just be a few minutes, she needs to get a hold of him because this is his day off. I sit in the office for 2 hours waiting for this guy. When he finally gets in, he tells me that conjoined with the nerve problems, and the other problems that I have listed, that 90% of patients that show these symptoms result in brain tumors in the frontal lobe of their brain. They said that I would need extensive imaging to tell for sure, but it wasn't looking good for me.
Talk about a freaking slap in the face!!!!! They set me up for an MRI in two days, and a neurologist at the start of next month and send me on my way like they just told me the best news in the world.
It took every part of my being to get myself on my bike and ride the 10 blocks to my house. I wanted so bad to just sit down on the sidewalk and bawl. I have never felt so alone in my life. I wanted nothing more than Rayce's arms to embrace me and tell me everything was okay, but he was at home with the kids, and in this state of panic, it felt as though I had 100 miles to ride, not just blocks.
I decided right off the bat that we would not tell the kids, or anyone else for that matter. For one, we didn't know if there was anything to be concerned about, and if there was, we didn't want to stress everybody out, especially the kids.
It was a dark few days in this house. My MRI went good, but of course, they don't share results, so that just added to the extreme stress of the whole situation. Luckily, Rayce's parents (unknowing of the situation) came for Super Bowl weekend. It was such a wonderful distraction. I love Rayce's parents! They have always treated me as their own. I talk to Rayce's mom almost every day, and we have a great relationship. We did share our news with them, and it was so nice to have a little support through the weekend.
I kept finding myself having little breakdowns in my alone time. Ya know, I have always thought that death would not be such a scary thing for me. I knew that my children and husband rely on me, but could easily be replaced. But when something as major as a damn brain tumor looming over me, I have never wanted to be more alive... EVER! Thinking that my newborn was never going to truly know her mother was ripping me apart. To think that I would not ever see my children as teenagers or adults. Not to be able to hold my grandchildren minutes after they were born was like someone had just detonated a bomb in my heart. I had never realized how much I took my little family so lightly. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved them beyond measure, but to not know if I would always see their bright blue eyes shining smiles my way was heartbreaking. I have never cried so much in my whole life as I have this past 7 days!
Today: Is my new birthday! It is the start of my new life! I have a new resolve: I HATE DOCTORS THAT SPECULATE FOR NO DAMN REASON!!! These stupid doctors nearly ripped my whole world away from me. And for what? For NOTHING!!!!! That's right! There is nothing wrong with my brain! (at least no tumors anyway). The MRI showed a perfectly healthy brain, and the blood work that they did came out perfect also!
So today I am new. Today I will not mope around thinking of all the things that I wouldn't have been able to do, but now I will be doing. I will be active in my life, not just a person. I am me.

My name is Candi Ray Bird.
I am alive
I am here
I am ME!